P306 ORACLE 306 Sun17 Oct ITV 2201:03 WHAT DID THE ROBOT SAY TO THE PETROL PUMP? Press reveal TAKE YOUR £ . p FINGER OUT OF YOUR EAR WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU! FROM:ROBIN WILSON. P306 ORACLE 306 Sun17 Oct ITV 2211:01 FROM:JEREMY COOPER,THOMAS 8/8 LS BUCHANAN,KEVIN HAYNES,ALISON OLIVER,DENISE GRIFFITHS How do you make a lemon drop? Shake the tree very hard... What is grey, has three legs and eats stones? A grey, three-legged stone-eater... What does a kettle suffer with? Boils... When is a dog like a camera? When it snaps. Why did the lady go out of doors with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather... Did you hear of the man who wore one glove? The weather forecast said it may be hot but on the other hand it may be cold... Which film do you see Yogi Bear in? Star Paws... MORE OK JOKES FOLLOW >>>P306 ORACLE 306 Sun17 Oct ITV 2211:01 FROM:ALISON LEWIS,AMANDA BOUGHEY 7/8 TARA SAINTY,TARA DAY Who designed the first raincoat? Anna Rack... How are blacsl—hl letters delivered? Down the chimney... What disease do pop singers suffer from? Slipped discs... When is cricket a crime? When there is a hit and run... Why did the man drive his car into the river? To dip his headlights... Why did the man open his car door? To let the clutch out... There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't anyone get wet? Because it wasn't raining... MORE JOKES FOLLOW >>>P306 ORACLE 306 Sun17 Oct ITV 2210:30 FROM: MOHAMMED KHAN,PETER KENT, 6/8 JACQUELINE BARBER,STEPHEN WRIGHT, CHERIE BOURNE & SHIROME PARIS Would you like black coffee sir? Well, what other colour have you got.... Why did the thief cut all the legs off his bed ? Because he wanted to lie low for a while... What do you call a cowboy with no money? Skint Eastwood. Why is a telephone useful in a laundry? Because it's a good ringer.... What travels on land and water and sucks up all the dirt? A hoovercraft.... When did the strawberry most need help? When it was in a jam.... Why couldn't Eve have measles? Because she's Adam. MORE JOKES FOLLOW >>>>P306 ORACLE 306 Sun17 Oct ITV 2210:01 5/8 FROM:WILLIAM LAWLESS,PAUL & WAYNE ASPLAND. WORLD GEOGRAPHY by Con T Nents DEFENSIVE WALL by Barry Cade HELPING MOTHER by B A Darling CHINESE GOLF by Ho Lin Wun CROgD AT THE BUS STOP by Q Upp RAG & BONE MAN by Laurie Loadajunk UN'FLCOME VISITOR by Gladys Gone WHO'S TO BLAME? by E Z E Diddit CHOOSING YOUR CLOTHES by Justin Fashion ON BOARD SHIP by I I Captain CATCHING ROBBERS by Irma Copper RAILWAYS & TRAINS by N Gins more follows >>P306 ORACLE 306 Sun17 Oct ITV 2200:00 FROM: SHARON FERGUSON, GLEN 1/8 RADFORD and DAVID WHITE F How do zombies speak? In a grave voice. What does the hangman read in the morning ? A noosepaper. What newspaper did dinasaurs read ? Prehistoric times. ghy did the orange go to the doctor ? Because he wasn't peeling well.. Ghat do invisible babies drink ? Evaporated milk.. What do you get if you cross Olivia Newton-John with Frankenstein ? Nice legs, shame about the face.... Send your jokes to OR-ID, LONDON SE99 6YW and he'll send you his fabulous badge,T-shirt transfer and his SPECIAL NEW JIGSAW.P306 ORACLE 306 Sun17 Oct ITV 2210:12 4/8 THE JOKES How do you know when you've got an elephant in bed with you? The smell of peanuts and the 'E' emb— roidered on his pyjamas... Why do elephants have large phone bills? They make too many trunk calls... What can't you do with a pet ele— phant? Stow it away in the car to go on holiday... ghy did the ele— phant walk around in striped socks? Because he lost his football boots. FROM:MIRIAM STUBBS, JOANNE HIRST,STUART PEARSON. P306 ORACLE 306 Sun17 Oct ITV 2201:00 2/8 FROM: DIANE & PHILIP CASSELLS, CHRISTIANO RAMPLING. KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. WHO'S WHO'S WHO'S THERE? THERE? THERE? HYENA BUTLINS ABBA HYENA BUTLINS ABBA WHO? WHO? WHO? BUT ABBA HYENA LYNNE'S BANANA! TREE SAT GONE TO AN OWL. THE SHOPS!