P305 ORACLE 305 Sun17 Oct ITV 2210:00 FROM:GRANT ARGO,DEBORAH & RUSSELL 2/9 COLBRAN,HANNAH & EMMA CALVERLEY. What laughs a lot and lives in Coronat— ion Street? Hyena Sharples... What makes the Tower of Pisa lean? It never eats... What do you get if an axe hits your head? A splitting headache... How do you get a peanut out of your ear? Put in some chocolate and it comes out a treat... What do pixies eat? Elf food ... Teacher:You missed school yesterday didn't you? Pupil:No sir,not a bit... Why did the granny put roller skates on her rocking chair? Because she wanted to rock and roll. MORE OK JOKES ON PAGE 306>>P305 ORACLE 305 Sun17 Oct ITV 2214:11 WHICH DISH IS OUT OF THIS WORLD? Press reveal . . . . : . A FLYING SAUCER! . .. FROM:CARRIE—ANN YOUNG.P305 ORACLE 305 Sun17 Oct ITV 2211:04 7/9 "WAITER, WAITER,THERE'S A SNORKEL DIVER IN MY SOUP" "OH HE MUST HAVE COME TO RAISE THE FLYTANIC" "WAITER,WAITER,THERE'S A PEA IN MY SOUP!" "I KNOW SIR,THE FLY DOESN'T LIKE OX— TAIL!" FROM:SIMON TURNER. P305 ORACLE 305 Sun17 Oct ITV 2201:12 6/9 FROM: DHLA & KERRY O'NEILL,PHILIP LEACH,CLAIRE SHENTON,PATRICIA ANDREWS DOCTOR!DOCTOR! DOCTOR!DOCTOR! I've bust swallowed My mum feels like a sheep. an orange. How do you feel? Where is she now? Baaaaaad Playing squash! DOCTOR!DOCTOR! DOCTOR!DOCTOR! I've got carrots I keep thinking I'm growing from my a dog. ears. How long have you How on earth did felt like this? that happen? Ever since I was a I don't know I puppy. planted cucumbers. MORE JOKES FOLLOG >>>>P305 ORACLE 305 Sun17 Oct ITV 2204:00 DOWN ON THE FARM FROM:NICOLA COOPS,JEREMY COOPER, TANYA DAY. What happened when the duck flew upside down? It quacked up. How did the Did you cabbage know talk to it takes the three lettuce? sheep Head to to make head. a sweater? I didn't even know they could knit P305 ORACLE 305 Sun17 Oct ITV 2200:11 FROM:JAMES ORR,PAUL BRIENS, 1/9 HANNAH & EMMA CALVERLEY, WARREN DUFFY. What happened to the world's worst human cannonball? He got fired.. What's the only way to say sorry to a space— man? Apollo—gise... Which is the town that floats? Cork... Which game can be red hot? Poker... Why won't people go to the Moon for their holidays? Because it lacks atmosphere... Can February March? No,but April May... Why is a palm tree like a calendar? It gives dates... What musical instruments do mice play? Mouse organs... Which letter is a quarter of a yard long? The letter 'Y'. MORE OK JOKES ON PAGE 306>>P305 ORACLE 305 Sun17 Oct ITV 2211:12 FROM:ALISON LEWIS,GERARD MARSHALL8/9 CHRISTOPHER DIXON,NEILL HOLMES, LEIGH JOYNSON. What two kinds of fish do you need to make a shoe? A sole and an eel... Why were seven planks of wood standing in a circle? They were having a board meeting... What is the latest thing in dresses? Night dresses... When is a chair like a woman's dress? When it's When it's satin... Why didn't you cry out as you fell down the stairs? Every time I opened my mouth another step shut it up... Visitor: Why are you in prison? Prisoner: Because they keep the doors locked... ghere do you learn to make ice—cream? Sundae school.. MORE OK JOKES FOLLOG >>>P305 ORACLE 305 Sun17 Oct ITV 2210:05 FROM:SHARON HADDON,RAVEEN AHUJA, 9/9 CHERIE BOURNE,CONRAD SCOTT, ELAINE ELLIS. What is green,red and yellow and is highly dangerous? A two ton parrot... What's fast,bald and takes photographs? A Kojak instamatic... Are you super— sticious? No. Then lend me 13 pounds... What musical group do potatoes hate? The Beatles... Two flies were on Kojaks head. Why did one fly tell the other fly to smile? Because they were on Telly... Which side of a round cake is the left side? The side that hasn't been eaten... What makes a light furious? When it's put out... MORE OK JOKES ON PAGE 306>>P305 ORACLE 305 Sun17 Oct ITV 2211:11 WHAT'S A DUCK'S FAVOURITE TELEVISION Press reveal PROGRAMME? FROM: SHAHIZA SHAMINA & ROBINA GHAFOOR THE M FEATHER FORECAST.