P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2010:00     1/28         Weekend roundup      Got an awkward or personal  problem? FRANK, the BUZZ  agony uncle offers help and  advice, ——jly, through the pages  of Who Cares? Writd to him c/o:  Who Cares? PO Box 200 TN4 9RY Who Cares? is for sharing your problems and so Frank prefers to answer letters on air. So save your sae's please! letters > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 LATEST OFFERS FROM GRATTAN SEE 193 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Roc!/Pgp
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2010:00   2/28      \  Dear FRANK, I've written to you before but no luck so far ... My problem is that I'm a 15 year old boy and I think I'm gay. I've felt like this since I was 12 although I'm not certain whether or not I'm "fully" gay. I haven't told anyone, but my family keep saying it's about time I had a girlfriend. I never know what to say to this. I do see a lot of girls but I don't fancy any of them - in fact I have taken a fancy to a boy who lives locally. letter continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pgp
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2030:12   3/28       Dear FRANK (cont.), I really feel that I should talk to someone about these feelings, I don't know anyone close to me to would take me seriously. The other problem is that my family are expecting me to marry and carry on the family name. Again, when they say things like that I never know what to say to them. Are there any places I can go to for advice? Please help. A COMPUTER FAN. a reply > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2030:13   4/28       Dear C.B., What you're doing at the moment is sorting out your sexual identity - which is something everyone has to do at your time of life. Being Gay need not necessarily be a problem. And I must say I don't really know what "fully" gay means. Don't fall into the old trap of stereotyping people - yourself included! You are you and you can't make yourself into something that you are not, whatever others expect of you. People are people first, and part of a group, second ... continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2031:35   5/28      \  Dear C.B.(cont.), There are many variations on the theme of sexual preferences. Your own journey towards developing an identity of your own is by no means over so don't m—ke assumptions about yourself. Not 9ft. If, by "fully gay" you mean having a sexual experience with another boy - well, just because you seem to be more attracted to boys than girls it doesn't mean that attraction must necessarily lead to physical relationships. There are many ways of relating to people of both sexes. Not all relationships need involve sex! reply continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2031:50   6/18       Dear C.B. (cont.), Who knows where you will end up? There could be many influences in your life which might explain the way you feel at the moment. So try not to "label" yourself too soon. I agree that you could need to talk over some of the confusion you feel with someone, face to face ... cvt who? Someone from one of the national Gay organisations is a good start, and there may be a Gay Friend organisation in your area - it's likely there are a few in Brighton which isn't far from you. Ask at your local Citizens Advice Bureau ... reply continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2031:58   7/28       Dear C.B. (cont.), Alternatively, there might be a good Youth Counselling Scheme in your area. One of the counsellors attatched to that woud be able to help you with your dilemma. Try asking about such schemes at your school - or again, try the C.A.B. You can phone - you don't have to go in person. As for keeping the family o—le going .. are your family of a particular religious persuasion which makes this important? Or are they just very traditional? Either way, you should NOT be made to feel responsible for keeping the o—lf going. That's quite a pressure for anyone to have to bear! continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2033:14   8/28      \  Dear C.B. (cont.), The next time someone mentions marriage, children and keeping the family name going, put these possibilities to them: Even if you did marry one day it would be because you loved the person concerned, not because you expected her to churn out children on the family's behalf. And even if you did have children, what if none of them were male? That should shut them up! Meanwhile, relax, let things take their natural course - and if you feel the need, try calling Gay Switchboard on (01) 837 7324. Take care ... FRANK. the letter > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2033:27   9/28       Dear FRANK, I'm petrified of going to the doctor's after my friends said now I'm 16 I'll have to by law have a smear test. I know it sounds immature czt I hate the thought of going to the doctor now and I'd rather die than have someone do 'that' to me. Is it true that you HAVE to have a smear test? I've never had sex with anyone and I do not intend to. This has caused me to lose sleep and weight. A DISTRESSED SPEAR OF DESTINY FAN reply > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2042:11   10/28       Dear S of D fan (cont) I'm afraid either your friends are teasing you or they are misinformed themselves. The fact is there is no law which says a doctor has to give you an internal examination or any examination at all without your consent. Your friends may be confused by the age of consent - that is the law which makes it illegal for a boy to have sex with a girl under 16. At 16, a girl is considered old enough to agree to have sexual intercourse. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2042:57   11/28       Dear S of D fan (cont): It is also generally felt that at 16, a young person can seek or refuse medical advice and examination without the consent of their parents. Most doctors will see a young person and give medical advice even if the parents are not aware and have not given consent. A doctor may ask if your parents know but he is unlikely to refuse to see you. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2044:00   12/28       Dear S OF D fan (cont.), A doctor is rightly concerned for your general health and whether you've had sex or not it is sensible to keep a check on how healthy you are. If you have not had sexual intercourse at all and if you don't show any of the symptoms of cancer of the cervix than an internal examination may not be recommended. Even if it is there is nothing to be afraid of. You are likely to feel more embarrassment than pain and you can always ask to see a woman doctor. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2044:25   13/28       Dear S of D fan (cont.), What you have to remember is your body is a very delicate instrument and does need care and attention from time to time. So you may have to suffer a little discomfort to keep healthy. No one is going to make you have check ups or receive treatment if you do not want to. So please stop worrying and tell your friends they've got it wrong. Whatever they say no one has forced them to have any medical attention against their will. A doctor will tell you, or give you a leaflet about cervical smears. Take care. FRANK. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2045:00   14/28       Dear FRANK, I am 14 and have been caught driving in a car with a friend. My friend was driving his dad's car round the block when his dad noticed that the keys had gone. When we got back we were questioned  the police and they said we might just be let off with a caution or might have to go to court and pay a fine or be banned from getting a licence for two years. What sort of fine would I get and what would happen inside court? INXS FAN. reply > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2045:40   15/28       Dear INXS fan, I can't comment on exactly what might happen in your case - that's for your friend's parents and police to decide. But I can tell you some general things. Cautioning consists of a firm talking to by a senior police officer usually at a police station with parents there. If you DO appear in court you should get a solicitor to advise and speak for you. Your parents will help you and you may be entitled to Legal Aid, that is help from the state to pay solicitors' fees. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2041:02   16/28       Dear INXS fan (cont): If the police prosecute, you and your friend will have to appear in a juvenile court unless your friend is over 16. A solicitor is the best person to advise you on what might happen in a juvenile court. You would probably also see someone from the local council whw would see you at home and would also help to see you through court process. You can also get some factsheets about courts from: The Children's Legal Centre, 20 Compton Cres, London N1 2UN Factsheets cost about £1.50 each. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style w14 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2041:12   17/28       Dear INXS fan (cont.), A fine is one of the things a court could impose if you are prosecuted and the charge is proved. A fine is a form of punishment and the maximum that a court can impose is £400 as you are 14. Your parents   asked to pay the fine - and your punis—lfnt would be having to pay them back! I imagine that everyone is pretty angry and upset about all this and 9ou may feel this is punishment enough. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2040:34   18/28      \  Dear INXS fan (cont.), But it is worth remembering why people are taking this so seriously. The fact is cars are dangerous things and in the wrong hands they can kill and maim and do a lot of ——lbge. It may have seemed good fun at the time and of little consequence but the consequences could have been far greater. Whatever happens about going to court or cautioning, the best way of making amends is to keep out of trouble and try not to be led along by others! FRANK. reply continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2040:49   19/28       Dear FRANK, I'm a 16-year-old boy with a lznched back which means that I never appear to be standing up straight when I am. I also have a speech impediment and stammer. I lack confidence in speaking to people so have virtually no friends. I go to a public school where others take the mickey out of me for this and also because I'm no good at sport. I've never had a girlfriend although there's a girl living near me I fancy and have plucked up the courage to speak to her once or twice. I've been to a speech therapist who has helped me but it is still bad. DESPERATE HOUSE FAN. reply > WIN a day out at the Test Match 616 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2042:13   20/28       Dear House fan, Sorry to hear you feel so desperate about yourself - there's really no need to be because I'm sure what you lack in some things you are sure to be making up in others. First, your hunched back. Do you have a serious deformity or is it the way you FEEL about yourself? The way we handle our bodies is often the way we feel inside ourselves. If you feel bad about yourself, I guarantee you will look bad. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2042:17   21/28      \  Dear House Fan, (cont): If you DO have a constitutional deformity then I can only say others should not be so prejudiced. It may be that there is something you can do about your shape and posture. I wonder whether it is something to do with your second problem - your speech impediment and stammer. If you lack confidence because of your speech you may be reflecting this in your stance. The simple answer is to shrug off the verbal bullies, tell yourself you're as good as anyone and sport is not for you, and so what? reply continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2042:31   22/28       Dear House Fan (cont.), Everyone gets teased some time in their lives. You will never stop the tfasing but what you can do is to prepare yourself for it by expecting it and then reduce the power of the teaser. You can do this by achieving something - you don't have to be great but just do enough to feel good about yourself so the mockery is reduced to the insignificant. Many famous people have coped with speech impediments by tackling the disability head on. You may find speaking in public helps, perverse as it may seem. reply continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2000:00   23/28      \  Dear House Fan (cont.), You may not enjoy sport but it does not mean you cannot make an impact in other ways. The fact you have spoken to this girl you fancy shows you CAN lanage well when you try. Just remind yourself the world is not going to fall apart because you cannot manage to be word perfect all the time. Try to ignore the teasers - they should get bored if you just ignore them. Hope life feels better soon! FRANK. letter > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2000:10   24/28      \  Dear FRANK, My mum and dad have 12 children. We are all loved cvt I know my sister and I have another father. I know my sister's father and my father because my mum told me. I don't think my dad (my stepfather, that is) knows that I know. Do you think I should tell him or not? My sister and I are the eldest and I have just left school. My —ad and my real dad are full cousins and my real dad always treats me well with pocket money. J. reply > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2010:00   25/28      (.!($  Dear J, (cont.), Let's see if I've got this right. Some time ago, your mum and your real dad split up and your mum and your dad's cousin got together and made another family - and now, although there are lots of you, you feel loved and valued. OK so far? Now because you are the eldest and because she thought you needed to know, your mum told you about your real dad, that is the father you were born with. Since you got to know about your 'real' dad you have noticed that he treats you well, at least he gives you pocket money. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 714 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2010:00   26/28      (.!($  Dear J., (cont): Your question is: does your 'stepdad' know if you know? My guess is what you are really saying is that you would like people in your family to talk about what has happened and to sort out some of your confusions. Your mum has done the right thing by letting you know. It may be your 'real' dad has a family of his own by now and you will have to think about that. I think it would be a good start to talk to your mum about this problem. Explain what you have been thinking and ask her if your stepdad knows. reply continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2010:01   27/28       Dear J. (cont.), It is quite likely he DOES know your mum has told you - and it probably does not bother him at all. Be advised by your mum - she may want to know why you are asking and so you have got to think of a reason but hopefully there will be no problem. The best thing of all would be if you could talk to your stepdad face to face about your feelings - perhaps you and your mum could talk to him together. continues > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop
P613 ORACLE 613 Sun 7 Aug S4C 2010:00   28/28      \  Dear J. (cont.), Have you worked out why you want your stepdad to know? Is it because you want to have more contact with your real dad or just because you don't want there to be secrets? If you want to see more of your real dad, you have a right to do so bpt it would be best if you worked this out with your mum and stepdad first and try not to hurt anyone's feelings. Remember there is more to relationships than pocket money and don't expect too much from your real dad. Hopefully you can be friends with both! FRANK. letter > BUZZ Guide 610 BUZZ Style 614 Buzz Style Pen Pals Feature Rock/Pop