P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2130:42 14/18 FROM:CLIFFORD LANHAM,VICKI CUTLER, WARREN & ANGUS TOMKINSON. SWIM THE CHANNEL by Francis Near THE BIG SWINDLE by Hymer Twister DRUMS AND TRUMPETS by Major Headache STRANDED ON THE MOTORWAY by Buster Tyre THE POSTCRIPTS by Adeline Extra IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE by Bill Sticker THE BULLFIGHTER by Matt Adore KEEP IT STEADY by Rod Holder USEFUL OBJECTS by Ann D Stuff STAYING IN by Watson D box PETS ON THE LOOSE by A Straydog gHAT'S MR CLEVER DOING ON PAGE 158?P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2101:09 FROM:AMANDA ATKINS,STEVEN 15/18 NOTHERS,AMANDA GRAY, DONNA HARRINGTON,NICOLA SORRELL. What is the name of an intelligent insect? An accountANT... How do vicars pay tax? By Pray As You Earn... ghat did the Lumberjacc do just before Christmas? He went on a chopping spree. ... Why is a camel constantly angry? Because he has always got the hump.. Why did the thief take a bath? To get a clean getaway.. ghat's the difference between an egg and an icecream sundae? You can beat an egg but you can't beat an icecream sundae! SEND YOUR JOKES TO: OR—ID,Oracle Kids, Marshall St,London W1NP177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2100:54 FROM:MELANIE WOOLLEY,DARREN 1/18 CROWE,SAMANTHA BAILEY, J J ROBSON. ghat do you call a baby rifle? A son of a gun... ghere do bees wait for trans— port? At the buzz stop... ghat birds are cowboys frightened of? Toma—hawks.. Ghy did the cashier steal money from the till? Because she thought the change would do her good... How can you always find a liar out? By going to his house when he isn't in... ghat would happen if you swallowed a frog? You might croak... Ghat goes 120 mph on a washing line? Honda pants! MORE JOKES FOLLOW > GHAT'S MR CLEVER DOING ON PAGE 158?P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2100:56 FROM:AMANDA CAIRNS,SHARON 10/18 WINSTANLEY,RUTH & MARK FORD, JULIE MEEK If an Indian woman is a squaw then what is her baby called? A squawker.. ghat's the first thing to take when you are rundown? The number of the car... Ghat can be right but never wrong? An angle. ... Customer:I would like to try that suit on in the window.Assistant:I'm sorry Sir,you'll have to try it on in the changing room like everybody else! Ghere does satisfaction come from? A satisFACTORY. Send your jokes to:OR—ID, ORACLE KIDS,MARSHALL ST.,LONDON W1 and he'll send you his fabulous badge & T—shirt transferP177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2100:20 18/18 WE WANT YOUR JOKES !!! L E PHANT Send them to: KNOCK, OR—ID, KNOCK JOKES Oracle Kids, DOWN ON THE Marshall St. FARM London DOCTOR!DOCTOR! W1. GHOST JOKES SILLY BOOKS CANNIBAL JOKES WAITER JOKES AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN THINK OF! P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2100:16 * 13/18 * * How can you get into a locked cemetary at night? With a skeleton key. What is a monster's favourite necklace? A choker. Ghat is Count Dracula's favourite snack? Fangfurters FROM:SAMANTHA BAILEY, JENNIFER TAYLOR. More follows in a moment >P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2102:15 gHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A 3/18 GARDEN FLOWER WITH A TELEPHONE? PRESS REVEAL N 5 4 3 6 2 RING! 7 1 RING! 8 9 0 A DAFFO—DIAL! FROM: CLAIRE BALL,ESSEX.P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2100:29 FROM:NEIL KEYS,MARK NORDHOFF, 9/18 JOANNE LOMAX. Ghy was the 14th century known as the dark ages? Because there were so many knights... Ghen is the cheapest time to ring your friends? When they are outa. ghat does a Scotsman wear in winter? A continental kilt... Teacher:ghat is the difference between a weasel and a stoat? Pupil:It's weasily noticed be the other... ghat does Scrooge do when it's cold? He sits round a candle... ghat does Scrooge do when it is DALLY cold? He lights the candle! More JOKES follow >P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2101:20 FROM:JOHN & ROBERT BROWN,PAUL 2/18 PARKINSON,NEIL JAMIESONN Foreman:Why are you only carrying one plank of wood when the other men are carrying two? Worker:Because they're too lazy to make a double journey like I do... ghat colour shoe polish do the Three Musketeers use? Dark—Tanyon... ghy did the stupid man take his tie back to the shop? Because he said it was too tight... Man:What are you doing up my tree? Boy:One of your apples fell down and I was just putting it back..N ghat did the Welsh clown call his apple? A taffy appleN MORE JOKES FOLLOW >P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2100:02 FROM: @B BRAGG,ALAN PHILIP, 17/18 HEATHER KINCH,HEATHER KINCH, PETER SALISBURY. What's the worst kind of driving test? One that offers crash courses... Ghat do dustmen set their watches by? Big Bin... One of my ancestors died at Waterloo. Oh really,which platform?... How does a flea get from one place to another? By 'Itch hiking... One of my hobbies is racing pigeons Oh really, don't you feel worn out afterwards.. Which fish can perform operations? A sturgeon... SEND YOUR JOKES TO: OR—ID,Oracle Kids, Marshall St,London W1P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2103:09 6/18 FROM:BILLIE—LO,'FNDY,DAVID & ROBERT TAYLOR,CORRINE & TERRY GRIFFITHS DOCTOR!DOCTOR! DOCTOR!DOCTOR! I'm going bald! Everyone calls me Alright! keep your 'Ugly'! hair on! Well take off that mask and let me have a look. DOCTOR!DOCTOR! I think I'm a DOCTOR!DOCTOR! magic wand! I always feel so Don't worry,a SPELL naked! in hospital should Don't tell me do the TRICK! anymore.I can't bare it. MORE JOKES FOLLOg >>>>P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2100:01 FROM:JUSTIN BRUNDLE,DENISE 8/18 HUGHES,JASON GARLICK, AMANDA ORCHARD ghy do pirates bury their treasure? Because they haven't got any pockets... Did you hear about the stupid sea scout? His tent sank!... Ghat do you call a fly that climbs inside an idiot's ear? A space invader... ghy did the stupid man think he'd be good at sports? Because he had athletes foot... Gho was the first man in the Bible to wear a wig? Moses,because sometimes he was seen with Aaron and sometimes he was seen without... MORE OK JOKES FOLLOW > GHAT'S MR CLEVER DOING ON PAGE 158?P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2101:48 3/18 HOW DOES AN ESKIMO BUILD HIS HOUSE? Press Reveal IGLOOS IT TOGETHER!! FROM:ANDRIA DUBKOU,CHESHIRENP177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2121:21 11/17 FROM:JILL HANLON,KIRSTEN & DAMIEN SUNTER,MARIE KIERNANN KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCKN KNOCK, KNOCK. WHO'S WHO'S gHO'S THERE? THERE? THERE? WILLOUGHBY SANDY WILLOUGHBY SANDY WILLIAM gHO? gHO? WILLIAM WHO? SANDY WILLOUGHBY HAVING WILLIA— QUICK YOU MIND AND OPEN ABOUT YOUR OWN THE DOOR. THE BUSINESS HOUSE! N more follows >>>P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2111:36 ?/% 16/18 THE 2 js w5u5w575k! JOKES ' ghat do you get when you cross an elephant with a caretaker? A ten—ton corridor sweeper... ghat weighs two tons and sings? Harry Elafonte... ghat is as big as an elephant but doesn't weigh any— thing? His shadow... What's grey, powdery and comes in two ton pack— ets? Instant elephant... ghy can't elephants play the piano? 'Cos tickling the ivories makes them giggle. FROM:NIA HUGHES,SIMON ALTON,IAN DALEY,TONY TUDHOPE,CRAIG ANDREWS. P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2103:36 7/17 WAITER!WAITER! I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF THESE CHIPS,THEY'RE ALL RED, WHITE AND BLUE. THAT'S RIGHT SIR,YOU ORDERED FRENCH FRIED CHIPS. WAITER!WAITER!THERE'S A RED FLY IN MY SOUP! DID YOU ORDER A BLACK ONE THEN,SIR? FROM:KAREN LAGDEN.P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2102:40 DOWN ON THE FARM FROM:LAURA PHILLIPS,LEE BRAGG, OLIVER DIXON. Why are sheep like pubs? Because they are full of baas!! ghich Why did soccer the team do unwashed sheep chicken support? cross the WOOLver— road hampton twice? Wanderers! Because he was a dirty double crosserN P177 ORACLE 177 Fri 4 Feb ITV 2121:49 WHERE IS A CAT'S FAVOURITE HOLIDAY RESORT? Press reveal THE CANARY ISLANDS! FROM:RICHARD FIELD,SOLIHULL.