P305 ORACLE 305 Fri25 Dec ITV 2001:10   6/9            "WAITER, WAITER, THERE'S A HAIR IN MY SOUP. "SORRY, SIR; I THOUGHT IT WAS RABBIT. "WAITER, WAITER, THERE'S A WORM ON MY PLATE." "SORRY SIR; I THOUGHT IT WAS A SAUSAGE. FROM: M. THRELKELD
P305 ORACLE 305 Fri25 Dec ITV 2010:11 FROM: CHRISTOPHER HOLMAN 3/9 WHERE DO RICH PIGS LIVE ?  Press  STY reveal!   SCRAPERS !                                                     
P305 ORACLE 305 Fri25 Dec ITV 2000:00 FROM:REBECCA KENNEDY 2/9          What is the only thing you can break when you say its name? Silence.... Ghat question can never be answered by yes? Are you asleep?.... What is the oldest piece of furniture in the world? The multiplication table... Ghat in your house ought to be looked into? A mirror... ghat goes through a door, but never goes in or comes out? A keyhole What is the best thing to take when you are run down? The number of the car that hit you... Why is your nose not 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot... What is a hot time? A clock on an oven...N More OK Jokes follow>>
P305 ORACLE 305 Fri25 Dec ITV 2011:11 FROM: MICHAEL TAYLOR, JONATHAN 8/9 HALL, ZOE ROBSON, SIMON CONQUEST and SARAH GARDNER          What does 36 inches make in Edinburgh? One Scotland Yard. What can fall on water without getting wet ? A shadow. What do you call a building with lots of storeys. A library. Why are goldfish red ? Because the water makes them rusty. What is pink, curly-tailed and bounces ? A pig pong-ball. What did the caterpillar say when the lady caterpiller walked past ? What a lovely pair of legs, what a lovely pair of legs, what a lovely pair of legs... What do you call a lion at the North Pole. Lost !  MORE OK JOKES ON PAGE 306>>
P305 ORACLE 305 Fri25 Dec ITV 2000:50 FROM: ALISTAIR ROBERTS,DENISE 9/9 GREENHAIGH,ALE ANDER & VICTORIA PURCHASE and JENNIFER BROWN          Ghat pantomime does dlly Savalas appear in ? Ko-Jack and the Beanstalk. How did the baker get an electric shock ? He stood on a bun and a currant ran up his leg. What do you call pigs that like each other ? Pen friends. How do you make milk shake ? Chase a cow over a bumpy field. Ghy is an empty matchbox better than all others ? Because it's matchless. What did the bald man say when he received a comb? Thanks, I'll never part with it. How do you know when a dentist's unhappy ? When he looks down in the mouth  MORE OK JOKES ON PAGE 306>>
P305 ORACLE 305 Fri25 Dec ITV 2001:54 FROM:GUY MOLLETT,GILLIAM PARNABY 1/9 P.HAKE,JULIE DYER & REBECCA KENNEDY          What part of the car is the cause of most accidents? The nut that holds the wheel... Shall I tell you the joke about the pencil? No, there's no point to it.. My wife wanted an animal skin for her birthday, so I bought her a donkey jacket.... ghat lives in a tree and is dangerous? A monkey with a tommy gun.... Why did the boy take a bike to bed? He got tired of sleepwalking... ghat is never of any use unless it is in a tight place? A cork... To what man does everyone always takes off their hat? The barber... MORE OK JOKES ON PAGE 306>>
P305 ORACLE 305 Fri25 Dec ITV 2010:03 FROM: JAYNE PENTALL,JEANETTE 7/9 HASELDEN, MAXINE SLOAN, CLAIRE FORRESTER          Why does a giraffe eat very little ? Because he makes it go a long way. How do you catch a monkey ? Hang upside down in a tree and act like a nut. How do you stop a dog digging up your garden ? Hide the spade. What question can never be answered by yes ? Are you asleep ! What would happen if a girl should swallow her teaspoon ? She wouldn't be able to stir ! Why are cooks bullies ? Because the whip the cream and beat the eggs. Why did the match box ? Because it saw the wooden fence.  MORE OK JOKES ON PAGE 306>>
P305 ORACLE 305 Fri25 Dec ITV 2000:50 FROM: CAROLYN GRAY 4/9 WHICH SIDE OF A CAT HAS THE MOST FUR? Press Reveal!                       THE OUTSIDE.  
P305 ORACLE 305 Fri25 Dec ITV 2001:14  5/9  THE JOKES    NICOLA WALBY & DAVID MANCHIN  What do you get when you cross an  elephant with a kangaroo? Great  big holes all over Australia....  Why wouldn't the elephants go   swimming together ? Because they  only had one pair of trunks !....   What did the river say to   the elephant when he sat   in it? Well I'll be damned    What do you give an   elephant with big feet?   Plenty of room...               